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30.6.09

My 16 yr old has a mind of her own...

My daughter is now 16yrs old. At age 10 (2003) she witnessed her father physically abuse me as well as constant verbal abuse and much arguing. Unfortunately she was put in the middle and told by dad "this is what happens when you don't listen."

Charges were filed and we went through the legal system's process of obtaining a CPO and divorce. Supervised visitation was ordered, individual counseling was obtained for my daughter and I as well as engaging a counselor for father and daughter. After about 1 yr and a few months visitation became unsupervised and full visitation rights were granted after lifting the CPO on father and daughter.

Here we are back in the legal system and back to counseling due to the fact that my 16 yr old has a mind of her own and is wanting to make decisions for her remaining high school career as well as priming her college resume. Dad is insistent on convincing me and my daughter that she has control issues, is a liar and defies rules because of her desires for her time and he has stated that she does not put him as a priority next to everything else. He has succeeded in making her feel guilty after much berating over the phone and trying to retrain her with late night hours of breaking her down to submission. She has made a decision to exclude dad from her life because the weight of his emotional needs and expectations on her are too exhausting. I have spent countless hours trying to help him understand her place in her life and he has turned against me saying that I have facilitated in her non-visitation and as of Nov. 2009 he filed contempt charges against me. I was forced to obtain an attorney; my daughter and I met with him and she explained that she is fearful to spend time with him based on his behavior being similar to that of the past and unsure that he wouldn't become physical with her.

At my request he (dad) attended 2 sessions with the original court ordered councilor and those session went horribly. At our first court hearing he wanted to install a "new" councilor who is "unbiased" against him. Against my better judgment but encouraged by my attorney, I agreed. She has met with new councilor and my daughter feels very uncomfortable and quite frankly set up because of the bias against her now. (Dad met with councilor alone 7 times and with my daughter only 2 times. Once with dad and daughter so far) Daughter has become so agitated and uncomfortable with this whole situation that she has become more resistant and angry to her dad and the upcoming counseling sessions. I'm concerned she is leaving an impression that she is is showing dad and new councilor that she is a control freak and unruly. Daughter realizes dad is a great performer and narcissist and he has councilor fooled.

To this point my daughter and I have had little conflict between us but I am seeing a change in her attitude and perception of me. She's just 16, just got drivers license, has a part time job, is an honor role student, active in extra curriculars, and has goals of college. With her upcoming junior year I am concerned that this agitation will, if not already, affect her drive towards success and she will become reckless.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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