Online Parent Support Chat

10.7.09

My son is sixteen and failed 4 classes this past school year...

My son is sixteen and failed 4 classes this past school year. Halfway through the year he said he was failing because he "hates living in this house with me, my husband and his 6 year old brother". We have rules, consequences etc..and now I know that I indulged him way too much for 16 years (although he doesn't have a tv or computer in his room) and he seriously seeks intensity from me! The problem is that he told me in December if he could just live with his dad he would do well in school. So I let him go with a written agreement signed by his a dad that if he did better then I probably wouldn't expect him to come home. If he didn't improve we I would probably expect him to return. ( I have had primary physical custody since he was 1 year). After the grading period his dad called to tell me he had earned 2 B's and 4 C's. I was thrilled and we went out for sushi to celebrate, I made a big deal about how proud of him I was. I figured maybe he did just need time with his dad. As the year ended his dad kept asking me to call an attorney and sign the necessary paperwork stating that Jake could live with whomever and the custody agreement was null. I was considering this until I found out he didn't really earn those grades, he had 2B's, but the rest of the classes he failed. He ended up failing 4 classes for the year. During this time I hardly saw him and when I called his cell phone he either didn't answer or was at a friend's house. He also texted a friend's son requesting pot and his dad and his wife had a fight in which they were both drinking and the wife called the police. Jake was taken to a friend's house so he wasn't in the middle of it. Of course, I found out from my son's friends parents who were concerned about the situation. I told my son he was coming home because I upheld my end of the agreement, but he did not uphold his. My son is refusing to come home, and his father is supporting that decision.

I am going to court because I don't want Jake to live in this situation for the next 2 years with little supervision, and a dad who wants to be his buddy. My lawyer feels strongly that the judge will rule he move home with me. But if that happens I am concerned about the reaction. My son hates me, I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I do. My husband keeps reminding me that none can steal my joy, but this kid does! If I don't fight for this I feel like I am giving up on my kid.

My Out-of-Control Son

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