David has been diagnosed with, Aspergers, ADD, ADHD and ODD. He attends a special boarding school. He takes 36mg of Concerta XL and .5mg of Risperidone daily. He is basically an egotistical, lazy, oppositional, argumentative, self centered teenager who believes that he is entitled to every privilege and needs not put anything back. Fortunately, as his mother, I try to understand him and I do love him very much. I am divorced from his father who showed many of the same traits to a lesser degree then after David was born, he turned into a lazy teenager (aged 32) and I spent 2 years trying to change him and failed miserably. I am remarried and my husband Clive has cared for David since the age of 2. Clive and David clash, mostly because David is so rude to me and ungrateful, sulky and lazy. This gets Clive cross at how David treats me and the two have little to say to each other. I end up in the middle of them moaning about each other.
I try to keep David's behavior from Clive, but it has led to David realising this and he manipulates me and treats me badly. If I do tell Clive how David has been then David will blame me for whatever action Clive takes, I try to tell him that if he didn't do things he does life would be good. I try to arrange trips, and treats but he hardly acknowledges what I do and if I ask him to say thank you he gets cross.
David has the mobile phone, play station, and tv etc, all the stuff teenagers like. In return for credit on his phone, and pocket money he has chores to do but he wont do them, there is always opposition and a row, then it is done slowly and with a miserable heart. On Tuesday I asked him to move some small rocks left to one side after some drainage work. Each rock could easily be lifted by me with with one hand and there were maybe 20 so not a huge job. He replied that he could not see why he had to move the rocks. I suggested he should think about the things he has and as part of the family he should help, we argued for some half and hour then I got cross and decided to do the job myself. He came out after me making comments and I got cross and swore at him, (not something I have ever done before) and told him to go away and that I could save myself £30 per month if I did the jobs myself and that I would remove his TV etc and disconnect his phone. He left and walked to his girlfriend. Her family told him to come back and sort it out. He came back but not to do the chores but to explain that he didn't think he should do them because he knows boys who do nothing and get more rewards than him and his girlfriend gets more and she has to do very little. I had thought that he was going to appologise and get on with the chores!
I have since a discussed what happened and written a contract with David showing what he is expected to do - get up, do chores, not be rude and then have the rest of the day and evening to himself, and that he will get his items returned. David agreed and signed the contract. He has unfortunately still argued and done as little as possible with a very hard heart. I am beating my head against a brick wall. He has to argue, argue, argue! Compared to many you have met he is probably a mild case but he is making my life miserable. I have so many nice things planned for him and his girlfriend this holiday but I can't do them as I will be in a worse position with him if I back down.
David has previously had outbursts of anger and smashed windows with his fists (double glazed glass) and also attacked a teacher and had to be restrained by 4 adults at school and was suspended. when he returned to school, the teachers black eye had healed and David felt there were not enough injuries on the teacher to deserve the suspension and sanctions he had received. No apology from David. I tread a fine line, I am not frightened of him but it is in the back of my mind that if he loses it he could do me serious harm, even kill me. He wouldn't want to but he loses control, you know what I am saying.
My Out-of-Control Child