Online Parent Support Chat

1.8.09

She tells me to go "F" myself...

My name is Connie and I have my 2nd generation foster granddaughter living with me,( her mother was my foster child from age 6 ),so I say my daughter and my grand daughter. She is 9 yrs old and is a handfull most of the time,the rest of the time,she is a warm,caring,loving child(25% of the time),the other 75% of the time,she is a demon from hell.She is very destructive,she tears up her things,our things,the walls,chairs,everything she touches,she tells me to go "F" myself(she says the letter not the word),she hits us,she screams most of the time,every little thing sets her off(makes her upset,mad,or hurt). If I put her on time out or restriction,she refuses to comply,if I take things away from her,she really don't care,if I not allow her to go somewhere,she really don't care,if I refuse to buy her something,she gets angry but rather than listen,she just forgets about what she wants.She will get right up in our faces(about 2-3 inches away) and scream and cuss us,then hits us. Her Gammy is bed ridden and in very poor health,and she does the same to her.She knows how to pull our strings and push our buttons,and just about the time that I'm ready to expode and string her up,that quick (alot of the times) shes sorry,shes caring and loving,she hugs and kisses us,I know that everyone thinks that they are alone and that their problems are unique,and I am no exception to the rule,because I have NEVER seen another child act like this.She does have ALOT of negative issues regarding her mother,and has a reason to be angry with her,so I do take her to a counslor,because I feel she has a urgent need to be able to talk to someone,and she don't want to talk to us about us. Her Gammy and I are both older and in poor health,so I cant take her everywhere she wants and I'm not able to do the things with her that she wants(my walking is very limited),but there are things that we push ourselves to do with her and places we do take her,so she doesn't do without completely. There is no father in the picture for her,she kind of leans on my son for a male figure,but he has a young son and is very jealous of him. She has very limited friends,she doesn't do well with more then 1 or maybe 2 friends at a time. Her mother is bipolar,so I took her to a psychiatrist,BIG mistake,the dr also treats her mom,he says she has ADHD with bipolar traits,I DON'T agree,if she was,then she would be like that all the time,no matter where she was,thats not the case,in school she is a model student and make the honor roll or very close to it ,she likes school.When she goes to a friends houe,she is very well behaved and uses her manners,if she can do it everywhere else then she should be able to do it here,but she knows that all she has to do is run from us,Gammy is in bed and I can't hardly walk most of the time let alone run,so she does get away with alot.Anyway,we did some meds on her,she cc/o chest pains after a few weeks and there was no difference in her,so rather then putting more dangerous chemicals in her little body,after several med changes,I said no more,I talked to him about the 3 step program,and he was in the fog about it,so no more drs. I figured out that if meds dont work,and she has no behevior problems any where else at any time,then the problem lies with us.I have tried everything that I KNOW,we did the reward thing,I tried keeping her busy with chores,but she refused to do them after day 2.Shes not using the F-you words so much anymore,but that was because of a big mistake,she jumped in my face and caught me totally off guard,so I smacked her in the mouth,she was so shocked that I put my hands on her in that way,that she is careful not to say it now,or at least not too close to me. I did apologise to her for that,I never meant to do that,and I do love her so very much,but it made me wonder too,that maybe spare the rod,is not always such a good idea,but honestly,I never want to put my hands on her like that ever again. This is only a small part of how she acts,you just wouldn't believe it all if I told you. She jumps on the furniture,she slams doors to cause things to fall off the walls and break,she trashes the entire house,she will clean her bedroom up(once every6 months maybe) and by that night she has it trashed again,when I ask her why she done after all her hard work in there,she says,"I was bored"',I could go on and on about the things she does.I really wanted to get your book,I have no where else to turn,but thats alot of money to me,as I only get $123.00 a month from the state right now,thats it ! I am going to apply for SS,but I haven't yet,so if there is any advise that you could give me,I'll take any little tidbits that might help,I would greatly appreciate it.As she gets older she gets bolder and worse.We can't take the verbal,mental and physical abuse anymore,but shes not a horse that we're ready to put out to pasture yet either. WE're at the end of our rope, and lost is all hope !

Out-of-Control Foster Granddaughter

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