Online Parent Support Chat

1.9.09

13 was removed from our family into foster care by the authorities...

My wife and I are at our wits end - we moved to New Zealand from South Africa 13 years ago and to our dismay found that the discipline non existence in the schooling here - unlike South Africa. And we came to get away from the violence in South Africa. (Where my kids were exposed to seeing this - even to the point of seeing me being Hijacked at gunpoint outside my own home by four AK-bearing gunmen) When we arrived in NZ we had two children then aged 7 (son) and 9 (daughter). My son soon got diagnosed with ADD and started causing major problems for us.

After arriving in New Zealand we had another son who is now 11 and two years later another daughter now 9.

Within a few years my eldest son who was then about 13 was removed from our family into foster care by the authorities because of his violence towards us and his siblings. He soon got into drugs and we were unable to properly support him - Eventually at the age of 17 he was in trouble for Aggravated robbery and was jailed - he is still inside. - I always felt that he was not correctly diagnosed and that there was something a lot more sinister than simple ADD etc.

My younger son who we thought had escaped anything like ADD (or whatever) has over the past two years 'turned' and he has been in with the 'professionals' who have immediately labeled him with ADD and put him onto Ritalin (which has not made one bit of difference - in fact he seems worse). The school authorities in fact sent around a professional to advise us that he has got slight Ausbergers (which in some ways made some sense - but I do not think it is this either).

He now swears profusely and all the time and has resorted to attacking me and his mum with knives etc. I am on the verge of calling the authorities who no doubt will remove him from us - once again into the care of foster parents - and I am sure he will end up in prison too.

Life is not worth too much right now - and it just seems so strange that both my daughters are quite fine while both my sons have obviously got some weird. I am now believing I am a hopeless parent and that our daughters are just fortunate.

The law here in New Zealand has also recently changed and now parents are criminalized if giving their children a smack - and the kids use this against us as well. (I must be truthful here and say that I have never been a 'good' parent in this regard and hardly ever smack my children - probably to their detriment).

My Out-of-Control Child

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