Online Parent Support Chat

3.9.09

Daughter ran away from home...

I have a 16 year old daughter. She ran away from home a couple of weeks ago for a week as she didn't like our rules. Said she wanted her freedom. She finally came home but was only home for a couple of days off and on and then moved in with her sister. I feel bad for my older daughter as I don't think that is fair to her to have her sister there when she is so rebellious. We are both trying to stick to the same rules so that she knows she can't get away with things at her sister's either.

She just started school on Monday and already has 3 skipped classes as well as about 4 lates. She has a boyfriend that is her age. They just started dating about a month ago and things have gone steadily downhill since then. She stays out at nights and won't follow a curfew. She comes home drunk when she does come home. She has had the boyfriend over here and he won't leave even after we tell him he has to. They are both defiant. She calls us names. She now only calls me when she wants money - which I do not give her. She gets very angry about that. I have given money to my oldest daughter and asked her not to give it to her sister but to use it to buy what her sister needs. If my younger daughter has it, it will go to alcohol I am sure. She stole $60 from me last week but denies it. I know it was her as her and my husband were the only people in the house other than myself. She thinks she just come and go and do whatever she likes because if we don't like it, she will just leave which she has done. We have told our oldest daughter not to let her do the same to her and her husband. Our daughter skipped many classes last year as well and we came to find out that her and her friends were experimenting with drugs. She admitted to it after I found out about it. She said she is not doing that anymore but is drinking. We would tell her she could not go out and all of a sudden her friends (boyfriend included) pull up to the door and she runs out and goes off with them. She has a cell phone but won't answer our calls or texts. I have told her I will cancel the phone immediately if she will not answer us. I would have done this already but felt it was our only direct contact with her when she runs off as I kept hoping she would answer. She has caused much stress in our house. I have gone for counselling as I am having a very hard time dealing with all of this. The counsellor suggested we avoid contact with her for awhile and then if & when she does decide she wants to come home, we are to give her a 3 week trial period and see how it goes. Counsellor suggested we draw up a contract with all the rules/consequences clearly stated and have our daughter sign it. If she doesn't follow rules, she gets kicked out. I am so afraid of what will happen to her if we kick her out but none of us can go on like this much longer.

We have considered a residential treatment facility but we know she would run from wherever she was and that would devastate us for sure in not knowing where she was at all. We have tried dealing with this by asking her what she thinks the rules should be...she pretty much thinks there should be no rules and that we should just "trust" her to know what is right and wrong. Her boyfriend has no rules and comes and goes as he pleases so that looks pretty exciting to her. We don't know whether we should talk to the boyfriend's dad or not and see what his thoughts are. Our daughter and her boyfriend went out partying every night and came home drunk every night for probably 3 weeks straight. We are very concerned. We just need help with this situation as soon as possible as we are looking at all our options and want to do something sooner rather than later. She needs our help...she just doesn't want it.

My Out-of-Control Teen

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

my daughter did too and lives with her cousins