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16.10.09

My 19 year old has ADHD...

My 19 year old has ADHD. And my 13 year old does. I have been having problems with him since he went back to his dads for the school year. He is not doing his school work, he says its boring, he forgot it, he lost it etc... Even after promising me he will do it. He comes here on my weekends and is highly disrespectful, has temper tantrums worse then when he was 3 yrs old. Gets withdrawn, blames his brother for everything that is wrong or for everything that he does. He yells at me and my husband. My husband has been more of a father to him then his dad ever has. I live 2 hours away and have no control over what goes on up there, my boys dad is never home and when he is just yells at them or ignores them or is arguing with his wife the same as we did when married. He is an alcoholic. My son says he doesn't have to do his homework because no one is there to make him. He can go and do what he wants when he wants. He says he wants to live here because we have food and we love him and do things with him, but we have rules and we make him mind, he wants to live there because he can come and go as he pleases because no one is there to make him follow any rules and he does what he wants including the fact that his room is not even in the house. A 13 year old!!!! But we have a judge that does not care(more like being paid under the table, but cant prove it, he says it is ok that my ex drinks because he is German and it is his heritage to drink beer) I run a daycare and am home all the time and have been since the day he was born.

I am at a lose as what to do with him and want to do something before the running away starts or the being in trouble with the law starts and I can see that happening already with the way things are heading. I have already found a letter about not caring about life, it was written over a year ago. He is depressed at time, some due to his ADHD meds, another thing I have no control over and get no where talking to ex, he will not listen to anything I have to say.

I also have trouble with my 11 year old, and will have more trouble with him by age 13 if something is not done now with him also. Living with there dad is detrimental to there health. They were not like this all summer besides arguing and fighting with each other all summer. We did have a few episodes with tantrums when they did not get there way, but since they have gone back to their dads, it has gotten severe.

I am positive my 11 year old has ADHD to, but to say anything to my ex would be an explosion and he would just yell and scream, he has already tried to punch me this year at an exchange, it does no good to try to do anything anymore. He does what he wants and cares less about what I have to say, not that he ever did. But if your program even helps while they are here, maybe they will carry that back with them there for school and learn that here the rules stick.

To bad your program can't help with an Ex. LOL I did stand up to him the day he was going to punch me and told him to go ahead and he backed off once he realized I was no longer afraid of him. But he still controls me to an extent through my boys. Just so you know, the reason I lost them is because the first lawyer I had said I could take them and move out when I left and the judge would not take them from me, well the judge did anyways and put them back in the house with him even though I had witness's to his drinking and drugs and his not ever being home. Then later, the judge let him take them and move 2 1/2 hours away from that family home and family town and their schools, gee makes since huh!

My 19 year old could use some straightening up to, but the only thing to help there is to get him away from his dad. He is starting to talk to me the way his dad does, the last time he was here I down right told him that he was not his dad, that I was not married to him that he was my son, I was the mom and I would not and will not put up with him talking to me that way, that I would smack his mouth that I did not care how old he was, that he better watch his attitude with me. He got better after that. Has been so far. But his mouth, language, everything else has deteriated since he went to AIT training in GA and moved back to his dad's and started working at the same place as his dad. He needs attitude adjustment. lol

My Out-of-Control Teen

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