Online Parent Support Chat

21.7.09

My daughter is disrespectful...

I came about you website desperate for answers....all of the other troubled websites talk of sending you child away to a boarding school...I AM not at that point yet.

Briefly, I am an attorney, but a single mother, father is for the most part absentee...but for a brief period of time, have always lived with my mother and sisters, which is part of the problem I believe. While raising her, I was never allowed to assert my authority over my child or to discipline, because my mother didnt want to hear the noise would yell at me to stop it she doesnt want ot hear it, et.c....so the result of this was I had a four year old telling me If i yell at her she is going to call grandma to tell her...

My daughter is disrespectful, constantly talks back, degrades me, and looks at me in a wa of total horror and utter disgust.

I work two jobs and give her everything...she goes to private school, I have a car, she gets nice gifts, etc...

What was the final straw....last night my mother told me that not once has she ever had one of us talk to her disrespectful (this is true..there are 6 of us) and that she has to bite the sides of her face cause she wants to discipline her, but has "never" interfered" and she told me I was an unfit mother...I am heartbroken.......

I am too close to putting her in foster care, becaue she is the second person who has told me I am unfit... I feel like giving up...

I had called a child psychiatrist...who never called me back...

My Out-of-Control Daughter

20.7.09

Son does not appreciate anything...

My son has gotten to the point where he does not appreciate anything! He expects it. I raised him and told him that in life you have to work for what you want. My question is this... My son is going on a retreat with the church for a week. I only let him go so maybe he would listen and we could have some peace. I have already taken everything away, tv, computer, cell phone the car. My husband and I are planning on cleaning his room out while he is gone. When he gets back there will be a mattress a dresser in his room. We are moving the tv and his music out of his room. I told him that as a parent I only have to provide a roof over his head, basic clothes on his back and food on the table. Everything else is a luxury. Am I or should I say WE being too hard or overdramatic? My friend says no she had to lay down the law with her 14 year old daughter. I am a nurse, but I do not work peds and the text books can tell you alot, but the truth is experience works best for me. Please let me know what you think. Your description for a out of control teen fits my child! Disrespectful to us (only), defiant, lying stealing from us and his brother. jealousy rage huge temper tantrums and he's 17! I am sure you have heard it all, but I thought I was dealing with it, but the past two years things have totally escalated! I feel they may have been present earlier, but not to this intensity. He tells us he hates us and he can't wait to move out. Please help, I am a full time nurse (LPN), full time student (RN) and a mother of two boys at home and a husband who has terminal stage IV cancer. So this is very difficult on him and me. I am the only one working d/t my husbands dx two years ago.

My Out-of-Control Teen

16.7.09

Out-of-Control Granddaughter

As a christian I have been praying for my grandaughter who is 11 years of age because she has been a difficulty for my daughter. My daughter has had on going problems with diciplining her and last night my daughter calls me out of desperation and said that they got into a physical fight because Janessa (my grandaughter) refused to get off of her brothers bed and they continued to challenge each other until it got physical. Janessa is about the same size as my daughter now so you could imagine what that must have been like.

I asked my daughter to have someone pick Janessa up so they could both cool off. A friend came over and invited Janessa over to her home as she lives close by. I live 2 hours away and I could not get there to diffuse the situation. Janessa did not even want to talk to me last night on the phone and that got me worried.

Janessa has had these out bursts of defiance before and it seems to be getting worse. Her background is that she is being raised primarily by her mother. She hardly sees her father even though he makes some contact with her. Janessa and her mother has been to counseling and Janessa is on some kind of medication for bed wetting and behavior modification.

I try to spend as much time as I can with her but many times lately when I talk to her or ask her to do something she is silent for a very long time and I even have to sweet talk her into doing certain things and she eventually does them but with alot of love and coaxing.

My Out-of-Control Granddaughter

Out-of-Control Daughter

I am living with my boyfriend who has custody of his 13 year old daughter. She is a great kid, but at times she gets real jealous and tries to isolate my 3 year old son and I. She and I have a good relationship most of the time except when her mood hits. We spend time together and have fun doing so, but when her dad is around, she turns into this whole other person and the turmoil begins. The isolation starts and she treats me with a lot of disrespect. Her tantrums are becoming overwhelming for the both of us and we are seeking some sort of guidance on how to handle her. Her acting out is becoming more and more as time goes on. We have tried talking to her by letting her know that I am not here to take her place nor am I trying. Her dad has tried punishing her but nothing seems to get through to her- the typical “I don’t care attitude”. We have made the statement that we have “tried everything”. This has put strain in our relationship, but is now working out now that we are working together. I care for her very much and do not want her to continue to be unhappy.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

14.7.09

Uninvolved Father

My ex and I divorced over 5 years ago. We're amicable most of the time. We live close to one another and had joint custody until I joined the Army nearly 3 years ago. I'm out now and he still has full custody, although the girls stay with me most of the time. His mother and I are at our wits end with my 13-year-old daughter who lies habitually, is disrespectful, especially to her grandmother and her 9-year-old sister, gets in trouble at school constantly, is SO SMART, but still gets failing grades for not doing her schoolwork, is severely addicted to her cell phone (which gets turned off tomorrow) and who I caught this evening "making out" with a female friend of hers. She's been sexually "curious" since she was 4 years old (but not consistently and always with boys, and she's still a virgin...thankfully) and I have no idea why. It's never been flaunted in front of her. I know children will be curious and will be exposed to things in everyday life if not monitored, which we've tried hard as Christians to do, but it's getting bad. We live in a small town and this behavior, in addition to the constant lying and disrespect to everyone she comes into contact with, is going to ruin her if we don't stop it NOW! I fear it has already started.

Mostly, I'm concerned about the refusal to mind, complete and utter disregard for consequences, lack of respect for anyone, lack of respect for her property (she breaks or loses things constantly and doesn't care), lack of respect for herself and the constant and instantaneous instinct to lying. She acts as though she doesn't have to care that she's been told not to do something...she's going to do it anyway. She's impulsive and angry and she blames everyone else when she does something wrong. She always, and I mean always, plays the victim. It's never her fault. She takes zero responsibility for her actions. (For instance, I caught her and her friend kissing tonight. She claims her grandmother will hate her, but that's because of her younger sister. She blamed the act on the friend, although it was clear she was just as involved. Then, she blamed some friend of hers for moving away last year. I have no idea what any of that had to do with her decision, but that's how it goes with her. And her grandmother would never hate her. Be disappointed in her behavior sometimes, yes...but never hate her. Nor would I or any other family member.)

Her grandmother and I are ready to try anything. We've done all we can do. Any advice on how to get Dad involved? He's just a little too lazy when it comes to the kids. I don't mean to talk badly about him, but maybe you've had experience with this.

I am at my wits end.

My Out-of-Control Teen

My child is very troubled...

My child is very troubled, I have not seen her for 7 years and before that I only saw her three times in from the age of 5 to 10.

I was in the Special Forces and worked for the government when Roxanne was 10 I came back into her life and walked away after two months for her own safety. Her mother now knows this and so does Roxanne.

We got together 3 months ago me and her mother and stepdad and Roxanne’s parents are all fine. Roxanne came to stay with me a month and a half ago to change her life so she says. After 3 weeks the lies and bullshit started.

I had it out with her over the weekend and all the truth come out not from Roxanne but her mother stepdad and grandparents.

Roxanne has made there life hell for the past 6 years the child blames me and told me her mother she hated her did not love her and never wanted to see her again. That was a lie I have been assured by all that her mother has never said these things. The only person saying terrible things about me is Roxanne. When I left the second time she wrote a letter to herself claiming I had sexually abused her as a child (when her mother told me this on Sunday last week I was devastated it has broke my heart) Roxanne admitted this was a lie when her mother found the letter. Her mother and husband and grandparents all new this was a lie because of all the lies Roxanne had told previously including going to school in a makeshift sling on her arm and telling the teachers that her stepdad had broken her arm in anger!!

Less than a year ago Roxanne got drunk at home on her own went to her mother’s friends house they would not let her in so she went home hid in the bushes till her mother got back. Roxanne then proceeded to rip her own knickers bra and clothes and smothered her makeup go indoors and tell her mother she had just been raped!! Half an hour later she admitted that was a lie.

These three stories alone in the last three days are just too much for me to take in.

I am scared because she is showing little remorse but doesn’t comprehend how she has made me feel. What is this teenager capable of if she does not get her own way another accusation like that could go in her favor and somebody end up in jail.

I just don't know how to stop the lies every day there is something different.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

10.7.09

My son is sixteen and failed 4 classes this past school year...

My son is sixteen and failed 4 classes this past school year. Halfway through the year he said he was failing because he "hates living in this house with me, my husband and his 6 year old brother". We have rules, consequences etc..and now I know that I indulged him way too much for 16 years (although he doesn't have a tv or computer in his room) and he seriously seeks intensity from me! The problem is that he told me in December if he could just live with his dad he would do well in school. So I let him go with a written agreement signed by his a dad that if he did better then I probably wouldn't expect him to come home. If he didn't improve we I would probably expect him to return. ( I have had primary physical custody since he was 1 year). After the grading period his dad called to tell me he had earned 2 B's and 4 C's. I was thrilled and we went out for sushi to celebrate, I made a big deal about how proud of him I was. I figured maybe he did just need time with his dad. As the year ended his dad kept asking me to call an attorney and sign the necessary paperwork stating that Jake could live with whomever and the custody agreement was null. I was considering this until I found out he didn't really earn those grades, he had 2B's, but the rest of the classes he failed. He ended up failing 4 classes for the year. During this time I hardly saw him and when I called his cell phone he either didn't answer or was at a friend's house. He also texted a friend's son requesting pot and his dad and his wife had a fight in which they were both drinking and the wife called the police. Jake was taken to a friend's house so he wasn't in the middle of it. Of course, I found out from my son's friends parents who were concerned about the situation. I told my son he was coming home because I upheld my end of the agreement, but he did not uphold his. My son is refusing to come home, and his father is supporting that decision.

I am going to court because I don't want Jake to live in this situation for the next 2 years with little supervision, and a dad who wants to be his buddy. My lawyer feels strongly that the judge will rule he move home with me. But if that happens I am concerned about the reaction. My son hates me, I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I do. My husband keeps reminding me that none can steal my joy, but this kid does! If I don't fight for this I feel like I am giving up on my kid.

My Out-of-Control Son

She has physically and mentally worn me out...

I found your website while looking for help for my soon-to-be 18 year old daughter. She has physically and mentally worn me out for the past 3 years. I’m a divorced mom with dad out of the picture (his choice) and I’ve raised her alone since she was 6 years old. Will your program still help her? She lives with me now but left for 5 months to live with her boyfriend. In the state of Texas where we live, she is an adult at 17 years old so law enforcement could not file on her as a runaway. She is defiant, will not follow rules, smokes pot, will not take responsibility for her actions, will not live up to her responsibilities, does whatever she wants, has been physically violent and verbally abusive to me, and nothing I have tried works. She lies to me constantly, has stolen money from me, has parties when I am working, and on and on. I also have a Masters Degree in Counseling and I thought I had tried everything. She tries to get along for awhile and then goes right back to doing the same stuff. I pay for her car and insurance so she could work and go to school. She is supposed to pay for her cell phone but has not paid that this month and I’m afraid for her not to have a phone. She works part-time. She graduated from high school a year early and started to community college soon after and has just received “academic dismissal” for failure to maintain her grades. In fact, she got straight F’s. The only priority she has is “the next good time”. I am mentally exhausted and heartbroken at the things she has done and the way her life is going. We tried counseling but that did not work. I am constantly in fear of what might happen to her, the friends she continues to hang out with, and for her future.

I am a police officer and she had been around police and military for many years and has no respect for authority as well. She has no respect for anything. I did not raise her this way. I tried to always do the right things for her and love her more than anything. I haven’t “liked” her very much for a while though.

My Out-of-Control Daughter