Online Parent Support Chat

30.10.09

We told her she basically has NO privileges until she breaks it off with BOY...

We have been having trust issues with our daughter. I am in serious need of finding a starting point with her right now and was hoping you could help. I will make it as brief as possible.

She just turned 16 in July has been at least 3.0 student and been in her sport for 6 years. In comes "BOY" "15 with minimal parenting". Since he has entered her life she has lost most of her privileges, i.e. texting: because she was texting him in school and grades were falling. She keeps getting grounded because she says she is going to a friends and I find out she is meeting up with him.

Here's the clincher: Last weekend she says she is going to a friends for the night. The two girls invite the two boys to "sneak" into the house while parents are asleep. Boys bring alcohol and my daughter ends up having sex (for the first time - which I know to be true), My husband and I find out through the grapevine what has happened. We call all parents involved, all kids are in trouble, except of course "BOY". Who, by the way is constantly trying to get her to sneak out to meet him.

So, we have made a big fuss with all parents, my daughter looks like a big slut, her dad wants to dis-own her and all I can do is cry. We told her she basically has NO privileges until she breaks it off with BOY. Which is obviously a mistake because we most likely wont be able to stand by this and she just runs to BOY at school each day. There is no good communication in our house right now. I have told her if she wants things to be different then she should approach me with an alternative, but she has not.

I have heard from a friend that she is thinking about taking legal action to be removed from our house. PLEASE HELP me with a place to begin healing.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

16 year old son who was diagnosed with ADHD-Inattentive...

We have a 16 year old son who was diagnosed with ADHD-Inattentive at the end of last school year. He is a junior in high school this year. He is nearing the end of the first quarter of this school year, and is currently earning two D's, a C, and an F. He will be taking night school because of the F (it is in advanced algebra and his grade is too far gone to pull it up at this point). He is a very bright person (tests performed by psychologist who diagnosed the ADHD proved that), but simply can't/won't apply himself in school. We don't know if this is due to ADHD, attitude, or both. Several of his teachers say he just does not seem to care. He says he just does not like school.

He completely refuses any help from either my husband or me, nor will he take meds for the ADHD. We have recently forced him to start tutoring outside of school, even though it will cost us $100 per week, because it feels like he will not even graduate from high school at this rate. Last night, my husband told him that if he continues with this performance in school and poor attitude toward school, he would revoke his driving privileges. Our son (Paul) responded, "I could make you do anything I want you to do too, if I took away your driving privileges--It just shows you how powerless you are." Bad night....

We are at our wits end. We want to have reasonable expectations (the ADHD may prevent him from being a straight A student even though he has the intellect to do that), but do not know what "reasonable" is.... Failing school doesn't feel reasonable, that's for sure. He refuses any type of help, but also refuses to/can't successfully handle the work without intervention. Once we determine what "reasonable expectations" are, we don't know how to effectively enforce them and how not to turn our home into a battleground.

His behavior outside of the school situation it good. He picks good friends. He is home by curfew. We don't have any indications that he is drinking or doing drugs. He has friends that are girls, but is not involved in a serious relationship. He spends his spare time going out with friends (football games, Buffalo Wild Wings, etc.) or playing his guitar. In the winter, he skis and does ski instructing.

My Out-of-Control Teen

27.10.09

I have tried everything I know to try...

My name is Melissa Hamilton and I have a 13 year old son. He has recently decided I guess that listening to me (instructions and such), bringing home good grades, and not doing his chores is the route in his life he wants to take. I have tried everything I know to try...I by no means feel I have tried everything there is to try, but everything I know to try!! I know he is not a bad kid...just making bad decisions right now.

Let me give you a few examples of stuff I am talking about. Here a couple weeks ago I told him to be home to check in from playing with friends outside in neighborhood by 5:30 PM. He finally showed up at 7:12 PM and told me he decided to not come home, because I would probably make him stay home and do chores and he wanted to play instead!! He has always been a straight "A" student, with exception of an occasional "B"...so far this school year it has been a struggle to get him to complete his homework...study for tests...he is bringing home "C" and "D"''s. As for chores, he apparently thinks he does not have to do them....and when he does do them without an hour or more of arguing about it all...he does them half assed. (excuse the language please)

Everyone suggests sending him to his Daddy's house, or military school...something other than me dealing with it right here. I do not want to "get rid of him"...I want to deal with the issues at hand, and help him to become a successful person. All I know is I need help... suggestions... something, because the situation is wearing me down on a daily basis.

My Out-of-Control Teen

16.10.09

My 19 year old has ADHD...

My 19 year old has ADHD. And my 13 year old does. I have been having problems with him since he went back to his dads for the school year. He is not doing his school work, he says its boring, he forgot it, he lost it etc... Even after promising me he will do it. He comes here on my weekends and is highly disrespectful, has temper tantrums worse then when he was 3 yrs old. Gets withdrawn, blames his brother for everything that is wrong or for everything that he does. He yells at me and my husband. My husband has been more of a father to him then his dad ever has. I live 2 hours away and have no control over what goes on up there, my boys dad is never home and when he is just yells at them or ignores them or is arguing with his wife the same as we did when married. He is an alcoholic. My son says he doesn't have to do his homework because no one is there to make him. He can go and do what he wants when he wants. He says he wants to live here because we have food and we love him and do things with him, but we have rules and we make him mind, he wants to live there because he can come and go as he pleases because no one is there to make him follow any rules and he does what he wants including the fact that his room is not even in the house. A 13 year old!!!! But we have a judge that does not care(more like being paid under the table, but cant prove it, he says it is ok that my ex drinks because he is German and it is his heritage to drink beer) I run a daycare and am home all the time and have been since the day he was born.

I am at a lose as what to do with him and want to do something before the running away starts or the being in trouble with the law starts and I can see that happening already with the way things are heading. I have already found a letter about not caring about life, it was written over a year ago. He is depressed at time, some due to his ADHD meds, another thing I have no control over and get no where talking to ex, he will not listen to anything I have to say.

I also have trouble with my 11 year old, and will have more trouble with him by age 13 if something is not done now with him also. Living with there dad is detrimental to there health. They were not like this all summer besides arguing and fighting with each other all summer. We did have a few episodes with tantrums when they did not get there way, but since they have gone back to their dads, it has gotten severe.

I am positive my 11 year old has ADHD to, but to say anything to my ex would be an explosion and he would just yell and scream, he has already tried to punch me this year at an exchange, it does no good to try to do anything anymore. He does what he wants and cares less about what I have to say, not that he ever did. But if your program even helps while they are here, maybe they will carry that back with them there for school and learn that here the rules stick.

To bad your program can't help with an Ex. LOL I did stand up to him the day he was going to punch me and told him to go ahead and he backed off once he realized I was no longer afraid of him. But he still controls me to an extent through my boys. Just so you know, the reason I lost them is because the first lawyer I had said I could take them and move out when I left and the judge would not take them from me, well the judge did anyways and put them back in the house with him even though I had witness's to his drinking and drugs and his not ever being home. Then later, the judge let him take them and move 2 1/2 hours away from that family home and family town and their schools, gee makes since huh!

My 19 year old could use some straightening up to, but the only thing to help there is to get him away from his dad. He is starting to talk to me the way his dad does, the last time he was here I down right told him that he was not his dad, that I was not married to him that he was my son, I was the mom and I would not and will not put up with him talking to me that way, that I would smack his mouth that I did not care how old he was, that he better watch his attitude with me. He got better after that. Has been so far. But his mouth, language, everything else has deteriated since he went to AIT training in GA and moved back to his dad's and started working at the same place as his dad. He needs attitude adjustment. lol

My Out-of-Control Teen