I have a situation, that has me totally perplexed. I have a brilliant, bright daughter. She is 17, she is in the top 5% of her class, her grades have always been high honors, she does community work, she tutors. She is involved in lots of after school activities. Her teachers praise her highly of being the perfect student/daughter and mentor.
At home, she is a terror. I would say she bullies myself, her father and siblings on a daily basis. She is often angry and will lash out if you maybe give her a glance the wrong way. It is getting worse and I am getting more and more frustrated with the treatment she gives us. She is responsible for a few weekly chores around the house and I am always having to keep on her about getting them done. She will use foul language and even with losing her privileges will not stop unless she decides to stop.
I see no empathy in her for anyone, she is very righteous and doesn't have much compassion. She will belittle anyone who doesn't have her same beliefs.
I realize she is young and some of these things are learned life experiences, but I can't live like this anymore. I have always been a stay at home Mom, I have devoted my life to my children and I wouldn't change that for anything, I know it's not my fault, she owns her own behaviors, I just need to know if this will help me cope...I have a young son at home still and I am finding myself feeling very tense when afternoon rolls around and I know she'll be home soon, I've thought about getting a job to remove myself from the situation for a while and that saddens me to no end.
I hope I am making sense, yesterday evening was another last straw for me...this is an example of how ugly things have become...
She phoned at 3:30, wanting to have a couple of friends over for dinner. I said yes, made them a nice dinner, allowed them to have the living room to watch a movie and left to get groceries. I returned home at 9:30 PM, I was tired and wanting to use the laptop, with a cup of tea. She decided she was going to take the laptop to her room, that I didn't need it.I reinforced, that I would be using the laptop, leave it and the charger downstairs.She looked right at me and proceeded to take the charger upstairs.
I took the laptop to the living room and started to use it...she comes downstairs minutes later and sits beside me and starts in on me...asking am I done yet, why do I need to use the laptop, am I doing this just because she wants to use it, I tell her to stop, tell her to bring me the charger. She tells me no, I don't need to use it for that long, she keeps on me and on me...this is what I consider being bullied. She made a remark that I was just being a bitch and I'm not proud, but I slapped her mouth, it wasn't with force but it was a slap none the less and I'm not very proud of myself for doing that, that was the first time. She jumped up and started hitting on me and scratching me and telling me I had no right to hit her ....my husband came into the room and held on to her wrists until she stopped...it was probably only a few minutes, but it seemed like forever. She is always using her body weight to push me, or shove me, she also has hit her brother. She does have consequences for these actions. She'll lose TV time, her driving privileges or cell phone. I just can't live like this anymore.
I feel so alone, because outside the house she is perfect and people are always telling me what a lovely beautiful daughter I have.
I'm a little long winded here, I'm sorry for that. I was just wondering if this program would help me, is this normal to behave one way out side of the home and then such a huge contrast in behavior at home. Is there something I am doing that is reinforcing the bad behavior?
My Out-of-Control Daughter