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I dont know how to handle my daughter at all...

I have been off work since September under going further investigations (Had a stroke 3 yrs ago and a heart op a year ago. Now being investigated further due to more problems)

We are finding it very hard money wise and struggling to pay all bills. My 14 yr old daughter has given us many unwanted events and we are trying to follow your advise the best we can.

Unfortunately I dont know how to handle my daughter at all. She seems to be defying all what we suggest.

Her dad doesnt pay maintenance yet he can send money to treat her to have her nails done. I have been advised that because the money is addressed to her that i cannot open the mail to give her the money when she has earnt the privilege on good behaviour. CSA are trying to chase her father at the moment to proceed with a legal agreement that he helps to pay towards her up keep travel money, lunch money etc rather than his bribe and blackmail money because he has let her down.

I dont get any support from her father and she uses his bribed money when she wants something and he will not listen to me even though my daughter knows how she is working him to her advantage.

We have tried chores but because we have no money to reward her we cannot afford to give her money so she can go out with her friends-this is all she is interested in & when her friends go to cinema or just hang around she hasnt got the money to join in.

I had to pick her up last friday in an unconscious drunken state and she got drunk on the money that her father gave sent to her. I only give £2 with crisps, choc & a drink everyday for school because I know that she is spending lunch money on cigarettes- I have tried sandwiches but she wont eat them and its a waste of food, money and she gets anger problems when she doesnt eat.

She has been told that she does need counselling due to my health issues, her father and I seperated and he now lives with a girlfriend and didnt tell my daughter about her half sister until she was born. She has no routine with her father as he keeps letting her down with excuses and she feels unwanted by his girlfriend, refusing school at times and ive had to phone the police a couple of times to report missing as she was grounded and then she refused to answer her phone.

My husband and I have tried to talk, listen, set boundaries, she refuses that she cares and always reverts back to her life is crap when she doesnt get her own way or we dont follow her rules!

I believe she needs counselling as she is carrying a lot of baggage on young shoulders and needs to relieve her anger and tensions but she will not open up and refuses to talk to someone. Ive asked for doctors, school, social for help but they say they cannot help unless she volunteers for counselling.

I know she has low self esteem and I am trying to work with your advise but she seems to just live in her own world and will not even talk and will not listen -she has this huge barrier up and it seems almost as if she has shielded herself from everything.

Im at a total loss and not sure where to go from here. Im trying not to let my health get in the way because I dont want her feeding off of me. We want to trust her but everytime we do she lets us down and then she blames us - even if its one her friends that has got her into trouble or upset her.

Ive waffled on long enough.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

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