Online Parent Support Chat

6.3.10

Out-of-control Son

My son has always been somewhat arrogant, has never done real well in school (although he was passing), and has been a "story teller" since he could talk. However, his attitude has progressed. Now that he is bigger than me, and outweighs me, he uses intimidation and threats to get what he wants. I have never abused my son. I admit, when he was little, and when pushed to exteme he has gotten a swat on the butt. I work nights so I could be with him more during the day. My sister lives within walking distance and she has 4 kids. I only have the one. My mom and step-dad live in the mountains, where my son used to love to go hunting and fishing. I've always stressed how important school was and encouraged my son by giving him access to a home computer. I bought him educational computer programs, toys, etc. My son is very smart and knows how to manipulate very well. Before his dad died (we were never married) I had to put a restraining order against him because he would not return my son one time when I let him go with him.. Mind you, my son's dad was not an upstanding citizen. He did not work, pay anything for my son and provide any supervision to my son or his other kids (the youngest is 10 years older than my son). I did the best I could often taking my son on trips to Santa Cruz, Fort Bragg, etc.

Presently, I was in the process of restoring my first vehicle - a truck - for my son when he turns 16. My son thinks it is his and got upset when I wouldn't give him the keys. This is when his hatred for me started. About 2 weeks ago. He has since, ran away 2x, refused to go to this school (which was a good school) he wanted to retrurn to his old school (where he was suspended more than he attended) but he could manipulate the principal and teachers. He spoke too the principal of his old school and she told him he could return (without talking to me first) so my son walked off the grounds of his new school, or would refuse to participate in class or even gio. After involving the sheriff several times, the new school (out of our district) did not want him anymore - so he returned to his old school. There he told the principal I abused him (which I haven't) she told him she was going to file a report with CPS. My son is hateful to me, lies says I abuse him or I kicked him out. My sister intervened and told him he could stay with her. For my own sanity I agreed,.

My personal feeling are I am not getting any support from the school or my sister. They are contributing to my son's bad behavior by giving in to him which I think reenforces his idea that I am wrong and he is right. I have spoken to the sheriff who tells me there is nothing I can do. I can't abandon him - which I never said I wanted to - I can't do anything to him for not going to school or being abusive towards me. My son is still misbehaving even after he now attends his old school which is what he wanted ---he refused to watch a movie and instead laid down in the middle of the class--He has no respect for authority. He is rude to the sheriff offficers, principal and teachers. He refuses to talk to me and tells me "this is what I am going to do! What are you going to do about it?" He is too old and big for me to spank or restrain. I cry out of frustration andn he just laughs and does what he wants anyway. I've looked into "therapeutic schools" , "military schools" and they are way to expensive. I am an RN and make good money but I can't afford that.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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