Online Parent Support Chat

5.3.10

She shows total disregard for me as her mother...

I'm a mother of 2 beautiful girls, sadly my eldest was killed, my marriage broke down and I lost all my assets. All this happened in 2 years. I have since brought my youngest daughter up single handed. She is 14 and has just started to date, I feel that although she is young in age she is old in the head. She/we both have been through many tough times together and I have tried to give her the best parenting I can despite everything.

My daughter not only lost her sister, her father but a lifestyle that had been given. With the breakdown of the marriage I was left with sole responsibility for her well-being. I don't mind admitting, I'm struggling at the moment.

I have always taught my children to take responsibility for their actions and to understand that there are consequences for wrong decisions made and that there are always lessons to be learnt, if lessons are not learnt then we fail to change our behaviour.

I completely understand that my daughter is angry but she is constantly directing this anger at me. I don't mind admitting that sometimes I just blow my top. I too have been through a tough 2 years with no support from anyone, but she has had me. I feel hurt when she turns on me as I am the only constant person in her life, there regardless.

All she ever says to me is that she doesn't care, she thinks that I don't care for her, even though I am here after school everyday, I'm at the end of the phone if she has a problem and am always willing to listen and help her come to some conclusion about whatever difficulties she might be facing.

At the beginning of last year her father refused to pay her school fees and consequently she was kicked out of school. I was unable to take on the role of fee payer after my "husband" walked away from the pressure of family and business life. I took full responsibility of bringing up both daughters. Sadly Samara (17) was killed by her boyfriend who was the driver of the car they were in. Yet again I took responsibility of the funeral arrangements and informing everyone on the planet, or so it seemed. With no help or support from her father. He is the kind of person who likes to take the credit but will not take responsibility when things get tough, hence him walking away.

I know that I am dealing with lots of issues here and have already found professional help for my 14year old as she started self harming after moving schools at Easter last year. I understand that she is a "teenager" and to be honest I'm sick of people saying I have to accept the behaviour that she is displaying. She shows total disregard for me as her mother, comes and goes as she pleases and talks to me like rubbish. I want to regain some order in my house.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

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