Online Parent Support Chat

15.4.10

We caught him smoking and drinking - he is only 13...

I migrated to United States 6 years ago. Leaving behind my 6 kids, the youngest of whom is only 6 years old then and 3 years ago we were able to bring him here (just him). Anything and everything is always nice and OK the first time. Me and his now step dad don't have much problem with him during the first year he was here , he was into dancing, though just like most other kids the hardest was letting him do his home work. I came from the Philippines; my husband of 6 years is an American. Call it culture shock, I experienced it, but at my age I easily was able to adjust so does he. The problem started when he's in Middle School (7th Grade). He would ditch school at least 3 times a week, just imagine that! Me and my husband are both working, by early afternoon I start to get worried, why??? Because my husband would be calling me and telling me that the school called because Martin did not attend school. We have talked to his principal, counselors, and adviser, name it. It went on from the start of the school until November and eventually, we learned and caught him smoking and drinking, he is only 13.

First time he went with friends and did not come home… his step dad just went crazy and about to hit him. One instance too is that I scolded him and he threw a pack of juice at me, I slapped him and he ran away. But the worst is yet to come, when he fell in love with an 18th year old girl, he would take off at the middle of the night ( through his bedroom window) to see the girl. It happens many times that I have to wake up every hour in the middle of the night to check on him......and it give strain to our marriage, we argue a lot, there's no more peace at home, I would cut my work hours just so I could be home early to check on him since he would be by himself when he gets off from school. I don't want my husband to give up on me just because of him. He do not treat him like a father, does not even respect him.

Let me give you an idea of my boy's childhood background. When he was only 3 years old I left him with his father, I was sick then, no work, no place to live, nothing.(But I never ever use drugs, I don't even drink) Later I found out that he is always been beaten up by his dad. I left him because of the same reason but I never thought he would do it to our son.

This may sound absurd; there are no laws in the Philippines. Children as young as 5 can buy cigarettes …teens as young as my boy can drink anywhere and everywhere. No custody battle, no child support...nothing!

Anyway, after what he has been doing here me and my husband decided to send him back to the Philippines, to save our marriage...hoping he would see the difference between sleeping in the concrete and sleeping in his own bedroom. But we're both wrong, he became worst... because he can do whatever he wants, he stays with his sisters ( my 2 oldest daughters, 29 and 24) but they too have gave up on him.

In a few days April 19 to be exact he will be back here. I will tell you I'm scared, scared of so many things but scared more about what would happen to my family, my husband, me and him. Especially with our present situation with my husband now, we are both unemployed.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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