We adopted her at the age of 4 1/2 years old. She is 1/2 hispanic and 1/2 white. She has always been extremely self-willed. She also was diagnosed with ADHD when she was in the 3rd grade. She was on concerta up until this past fall. Or at least she was occasionally using it until she went to Middle School. Everything was fine up until she went to 7th Grade. She went from a small elementary of 14 kids to the middle school where there was 200 students per class. She started off fine, but then she started getting into the social scene with boys. After the first quarter of that year things went downhill with her grades. Then in 8th grade she was sexually harassed by a student who told her if she didn't have sex with him, he would stab her then boyfriend. He actually brought a knife to school and was caught, suspended and brought to court. We had to go to court (she never had to testify as he plea bargained), but after a few months we found out he did not like his lawyer and the bargain was off. We then had to go back to court where they again plea bargained and he was placed on probation. During these few months, he was suspended from school. When he came back to school (there was a restraining order on him not to go my daughter, Victoria) she had to suffer by having to go different routes so as to not run into him. This made her feel like she was being punished for not even doing anything wrong.
She made it through this, but her grades greatly suffered. This is when (I think) she stopped taking her pill even though I watched her every morning take it. Another important fact is that her father is a Math teacher at her high school. He is a strict teacher and does not put up with much. She of course would make friends with kids that did not want to work at school and would get her Dad as a teacher and hate him. They of course told Victoria this. She always makes friends with kids who have problems. She has very low self-esteem and feels intimated by kids that do well. Well anyway, she made it through her freshman year, with not the best grades, but at least passed. This year (her sophomore year) has been a nightmare. She did get a job last summer at McDonald's and did really well. Then when September started, she insisted that she did not need to take her medication. Since we could not force her, we said we would try it. The fall semester was not too bad. Also, I should mention that over the years that she has been in middle school, she has been harassed because she is 1/2 hispanic and looks like she could be black. Several kids have called her a f...ing "n". She even showed me an email message where a girl friend had called her that and told her that nobody wanted her here and she should go back to where she belonged. She has reported several of them and they were suspended.
Everything has gotten worse this past year in January. We always let her have a cell phone, but without texting. She decided she was going to have texting and when she was shopping with a friend she bought her own texting cell phone. Since then she has really become out of control. We are at our wits end, besides being so tired trying to figure out what is right and wrong with her. She also has become violent, punching holes in her bedroom walls. If she doesn't get her own way, she will slam doors, and bang her walls.
She has been to therapy off and on since we adopted her. We are now going through family therapy. I know we are supposed to use positive reinforcement, but sometimes she pushes our buttons that we lose it.
There are so many things to tell about her. She has become ODD as well as having an attachment disorder. She has two sisters, who we have been trying to have her keep in touch with, but they also have many problems of their own, including attachment disorder.
In April, she was so upset and angry when she went to school, that we had to take her out of school and do home computer schooling. This, of course, is not working out too well, because she won't ask for help and when I try we get into fights.
She outsmarts me and I wear down. Like for example, jut this week I thought we were making progress when we let her have an 18 year old boy pick her up and hang out with him at his house. She was like a different person, but then the next day when it came time to do her school work she is back to her mean self (which is nasty).
My Out-of-Control Adopted Daughter