I came across your website as I Googled for help in dealing with my 14 year old son.
He just finished freshman year; a year filled with less than desirable grades, and increasing defiant behavior in the house. In February, he was suspended 10 days from school for fighting, which I then learned that he had done NOTHING in terms of school work the first four weeks of that semester. Facing all F’s for his grades, I helped him hours per day, talking and emailing his teachers to ensure a “get well” plan, and prodding him nightly to do his work. His grades did improve somewhat –
In the home, it is difficult to make him understand the importance of curfew, and of being responsible for weekend chores at the house to help me and my wife --- even for the sake of building a sense of responsibility. He has just about everything he has asked for --- I have spent thousands the past two yrs in baseball and football equipment for him to be able to compete. I drive him (sometimes 3 hrs away) to baseball tournaments in summer (showcase baseball) each weekend, and constantly provide hotel and expensive meals etc when we are away at these tourneys. He makes movie plans with his friends, then asks, and EXPECTS the money for the movie.
After all this, I can’t get him to pick up his room; do some yard work; or simply come in at the time I request he comes in. I am calling him on his cell ½ hour before curfew, until one half hour AFTER curfew – and most times, I need to go get him. And his curfew is 11PM (I so much want it to be 10PM, since he is 14, but I have hard enough time with 11PM)
I feel his animosity toward me each day --- and it hurts like hell. I love this kid so much, and see so much potential both athletically and scholarly in his life. I keep telling myself “give up”, let him go his way; but I just can’t --- because I feel only bad will come about if I don’t constantly keep on him. Each day is a screaming match at the house (I do have a pretty bad temper, and do expect some respect and adherence to rules in my household.
Maybe I’m the problem?? I do push him (both grade wise and sports wise) – because he has the potential. I wish I knew.
We have an 11 year old boy, and a 17 yr old girl (who has been defiant in her own way the past two years), never wanting to do any chores; and always threatening to move out at 18.
My Out-of-Control Teen