Like alot of other people, my teenager has been a hand full since he was little. But now at six foot four, he can be a destructive, abusive monster. When he smashes his way through our home with his fist or when he kicks the living daylights out of a door with such fierce hate, I cannot understand if he is normal – I don’t actually know what is normal anymore. He turns from being a calm person, to some monster, normally if he doesn’t get what he wants. His way to get what he wants is to destroy the home and everyone in it with his abuse and destruction. I feel numb now when he is in a rage and have tried to walk away. I have come to a stage in my life, when I know my two girls would have a better life in their home if he moved out. You may think that this is not right, but we have tried so many times to help him have a good life. He was school refusal and his dad and I tried our hardest to help him. Adolescent programs, counselling, just left him be to try and work things out – my doctor who knows him well – has told me that each place we have been – the general feedback is – he is just too hard to work with. There is not much of this home that hasn’t been replastered, most of the doors have been replaced, or maybe it will be a new remote on the wall for the ducted heating that he ripped of the wall this evening, or a panel beater where he punched my car – I just cannot understand him any more. I sat and listened to his foul mouth tonight, screaming outside in the backyard, kicking the gates in and I know he just doesn’t care, what anyone thinks about his behaviour. His dad and I are at a lost – how do you live with such a violate person, even if he is your son. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and so does his dad, but how long do you have to put up with this behaviour? What worries me is the effect he is having on his sisters, they have lived this life, with his behaviour problems all their life – my youngest who is 12, was tonight, crying with her hands in her head – the look of a much older person – sick of the arguments and destruction, mainly because he wanted to kill the dog she loves, because he chewed up something of his. I don’t want them effected, but how can they not be when he is so out of control. Do I leave and take them with me, or see it out and hope they turn out to be decent people? I don’t want to leave, but their dad and I both agree they are important and I want them to live a “normal” life. For two placid parents, who although we have hit the roof may times – I just do not understand where he is coming from. As parents we have tried to give him a balanced life, his dad takes him fishing, motor bike riding etc, and he can return from these trips and just a small thing when unpacking the trailer can send him into a full rage. Maybe we have tried too hard. Tonight I have changed my ebay password to stop him from buying on line and just expecting that it is his right to use my account – tomorrow I will face at some stage, a full fight as I know he will be furious at me for stopping him from going on ebay and using my account. At seventeen, we both feel that he needs to be more responsible and to respect us, if it means facing another path of destruction, then that is what it will be. His fury is frightening, because you just don’t know where it will end. The most interesting part of all this is, he holds a great job currently, roof plumbing, and he does not show his anger and fury to many people. He is very quiet and well behaved around others, not many people know what we are “trying” to control in the home.
My Out-of-Control Teen