I am, as you put it, the classic over-indulgent parent, my daughters (17 and my youngest is 13) are high on self-esteem and low on motivation and self-reliance and they run rings around me, they do very little in the way of chores or schoolwork and regularly verbally abuse me through criticism and swearing. They say they can’t respect me because I have no backbone and let things go without punishment. Issues often arise as a result of arguments between the 2 girls, they both think they are right and the other is wrong and both expect me make things fair by punishing the other one. It seems impossible to me to come up with any strategy that will please any one so I do tend to ‘stick my head in the sand’ because it is all too hard.
For example – my older daughter had run out of foundation and had been borrowing her sisters until her sister said she needed it for a party the next day and wouldn’t let her sister borrow it. The 17 year old flew into a complete rage, she has issues with anger management, and stormed into the younger sisters room and demanded all her old clothes back in retaliation, they were screaming and swearing at each other in front of the wardrobe, I stood in between them to try to separate them. The older one put her hand out, she says to get stuff from the wardrobe, the younger one, thought she was going to hit her and punched her in the face in defence. This all happened when my younger daughter had a school friend over for a sleepover and my older daughter was in a rush to go out for her 17th birthday. I thought they both behaved shamefully and were both at fault, but the 17 year old refuses to take any responsibility for the situation and demands that the younger one be grounded and she be rewarded for not hitting back (even though she threatened to destroy the younger sister’s cell phone, i-pod, camera and throw out her goldfish) she claims that because she saw reason and didn’t do any of these she should be rewarded. I honestly didn’t know what to do and they both see me as pathetic because I let the other one get away with it.
I’m seeing myself as completely pathetic now and seem to muck up everything because I am unsure of how to deal decisively with these situations.
I really need some help.
My Out-of-Control Daughter