Online Parent Support Chat

22.10.10

My home is a war zone...

My name is Kathy and I am the Step Mother of two teenage boys here in Cos Cob, CT (Greenwich). Tommy is 16 years old and James is 13 years old.

In June 2003 their Mother died of a drug overdose. Tom and I started to date 5 months later. This is my first marriage and I have no biological children.

My husband, Tom and I got married in July 2004 (one year after the death of his wife).

Both boys are opposite in personality and have each their own set of issues. Both are in private schools, have been to therapy and don’t like it and don’t want to change or open up. Both DO NOT GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER AT ALL. In fact, I have rarely seen them ever enjoy each other’s company.

James is the one that I am having most issues with now.

Example:

If I tell James to turn off the television 2 times and he doesn’t hear me I go over and turn the TV off myself and he goes berserk. Yelling and screaming at me and telling me he hates my guts, I ruined his life and that I should go to Hexx. (Can’t spell out bad language). How I handle this is: I don’t talk to James or drive him around to social events, I completely ignore him. Then he goes out of his way to be nice to me and then we are somewhat friends and there is a calmness. Then the pattern just repeats itself, so presently I am NOT talking to him. After the event happened and I saw my husband at the football field 10 minutes later I started yelling at my husband because of this, and my husband wasn’t there when the episode happened. My husband doesn’t deserve to get yelled at by surprise. I am actually ashamed of myself and disappointed that I could behave in a manner like that when I actually thought I had control over my emotions.

At the end of the School Year in June 2010, James was sent home from a sailing trip with his school because he had punched one of the tour guides in the stomach, out of the blue, for no apparent reason. He also was sexting (sending inappropriate text messages) to some of the girls on the trip and they were very upset. The School director has since printed those inappropriate messages and they are on school record. James denied everything until 5 teachers confronted him round table in a meeting attended by all of us. He grudgingly apologized and really didn’t believe 100% that he did anything wrong or that he deserved to be sent home. I also put him in front of a psychiatrist and a therapist, and they showed real concern that he denied everything. But there is nothing they can do if he doesn’t tell the truth. We begged him to come clean and to be honest with himself and he won’t get in trouble for being honest. Still he lied.

My home is a war zone. If I am not in a fight with both boys, my husband is. The only calmness I get is no talking.

We are a Catholic Family, we go to Church every Sunday, we go to confession once a month, we pray the rosary, and there is definitely cursing that goes on in this house, despite all of that. I organized a public rosary rally last Saturday and am involved with the Catholic Youth Group in our Church every Thursday and Tommy, 16 year old attends.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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