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26.11.10

My Out-of-Control Teen

We're going through daily and nightly hell with our son.

We're out of consequences.

Even if there's a consequence he will agree for the sake of getting what he wants and then give hell when he doesn't get it. Every single time. Whether it be computer time, phone time, or going out, or anything lse. Agree a time limit with him He will go over it. Give him warnings. He'll say " in a minute" - we pull the internet cable out but he'll repeat it and repeat it and repeat it - there's no end. He will demand the internet time as of right because all his frineds have it and because it's his human right as he sees it

My husband is ill and about to drop dead at any minute - literally ! he has ulcers and all sort of complications and I just keep expecting something to burst at any minute.

Our son won't even be ready for school on time. We've tried " if you're not ready by 8am, get yourself there" but that reusts in days and weeks off school ! He doesn't care. It's like we're playing straight into his hands.

He is currently without a phone and computer privileges and as far as he's concerned we are evil for not giving him for what everyone else has. We try to reason with him - show him him that when he has these things he abuses them, that that results in detriment to health, including mental health but reansing is not the way to go with him. He will give hell.

Previously we would take the phone away fro limited periods - and give it back knowing he will abuse it , then confiscate it again. Currently there is no date for getting the phone back - because he has been so rude and abusive to everyone in our household constantly and partiuclarly last weekend, so the decisison rests with us.

His demands are these

he should have his mobile phone 24/7 ( we've tried time limits -- hand over at 9pm each day/ or it will be confiscated if you use it 2 hours + / but he will deny he is abusing it and yet be on it ALL day EVERY DAY if allowed - and he will deny IT ! )

he should be able to get on the computer when he wants ( afcebook chat 24/7 - but says he is working - denies he has a problem)

he should be able to go out at the weekends when he wants ( gives hell when grounded and pushes to go out the next day - will push at any random time to be allowed out whether agreed or not)

he should have his X box cable becuase its his property

As far as he is concerned the above things are his human rights and we are the evil monsters running Guantanamo Bay for witholding them.

We do sometimes try to give him other things he wants - to make him feel we are not deproving him of everythgin and often as an incentive to behave better or as a reward for doing somehting good ( even for being honest)

But he will not give in return. Nothing.

We ask :

manners - stay calm when speaking/ do not raise your voice/ listen / show respect

do some work ( we pay for private school and he is not working and can't be bothered to get to school on time or at all ) ; we are considering not paying fees for the last term and have told him but that means he will find a state school and repeat a year ( according to him) which he is prepared to do......he knows he won't do well because how can a person do well when they don't work? So it suits him in some ways if we don't pay the last term because then it was out fault he could not take the exams, and he gets to repeat a year

sleep at 10 pm - what a joke ! he pushes to the early hours, disturbs his sister every night ( shared room/bunk beds) ....sister works hard and cherishes her sleep and suffers as a result; sets his alarm for 5 am but never wakes up - this disturbs sister + us. Too tired ot get up. Doesn't admit it. says someone was in the bathroom so could not go to have a wash then fell asleep again.

be ready at 8am for school - never ready....we have to yell and scream by 8.30pm and treat him like an animal because he behaves like one.

We're sick and tired - ready to die.

We've come tp a terrible state Mark and don't know how to handle this anymore.

We've tried calm/ talking/agreements - it gets us nowhere.

We've tried telling him he will be kicked out ( and by the way if he goes out wihtout pemissionwe will lock the door and he can stay out) - he says it's his houise and he will not leave ( its parents house and we share)....he says we have no rigths because its not our house; they are sick and tired of endless arguments as well and my father has said he should leave....then we all calm down and wait for the next eruption

What do we do?

We've found out he smokes pot - he says occasionally....may be so or may be a heavy smoker we don't know; we are testing him ( did a test last night) and plan to test every week.

2 nights ago he had someone's credit card in his pocket -s aid a friend gave it to him. We confiscated it. He sees it as a joke. We don't think he would have used it - one thing about him is that he would not steal money from anyone ( he is actually generally honest and very clever about being dishonest - you get distorted version of the truth rather than outright lies)

Everything has deteriorated into one big circle of hatred. We hate him; he hates us.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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